I love having a variety of guy friends; they normally will give me the most truthful, unfiltered answers when I get them to weigh in on one of my ‘boy- issues-dilemma-of-the-moment-stuff’ that plagues me. After all, who knows a man’s brain better than another man? The price tag for this free advice is called ‘reciprocation’.
So when GUYfriend (mid 40’s – but looks much younger as he has a dark complexion – successful, smart, balding – yet attractive, in a nerdy kind of a way) called me the other day with one of his stories, I played my part by listening carefully and trying NOT to judge (and as you will see it wasn’t easy) as I pushed my cart through Whole Foods.
GUYfriend went on to tell me about this girl, for the sake of this story let’s call her ‘Bimbo Babe’, who answered his email on one of the ‘dating’ sites he was on. He went on to tell me that Bimbo Babe came over to his house (on a first date, err ok), and he gave her a drink (a.k.a. plied her with liquor), and as they were talking he casually mentioned that she had amazing boobs and asked her if they were natural (btw…fair question, LA could be renamed silicon valley #2). ‘Bimbo Babe’ was more than happy to lift her shirt and show off her breasts, allowing and even encouraging him to take a ‘boobie test drive’ so as to prove the naturalness of her god given assets.
Of course this ‘boobie test drive’ caused GUYfriend to get inflated male parts, which resulted in the start of a make out session until….. ‘Bimbo Babe’, who I am now renaming ‘Big Busted Bimbo Babe’, pulled away and said, “So…if you want to sleep with me, it’s $1500 dollars”. Now, I know GUYfriend REALLY well, so at this point in the story I asked…. “ummm..errr….what was that website you were on….?”
After about five minutes of back peddling and over all avoidance of my question, GUYfriend finally manned up with the truthful answer….it was a ‘Sugar Daddy’ site. He went on to clarify that he lets the women he meets on this site know in advance that – while he is ‘generous’ and wants to connect and hook up – that he also lets them know that he is not paying for sex. He went on to explain these girls are just, as he put it, ‘LA gold digging sluts’, so he doesn’t care if he taunts them with the possibility of gifts.
So the story, of course, did not end with the $1500 price tag, ‘Big Busted Bimbo Babe’ suggested maybe a nice hand bag would help her cause, and as engorged as GUYfriend was, he kept telling her that he wasn’t going to pay for sex. The back and forth negotiations continued as neither side was willing to concede a loss here. Let’s just say what transpired was not sex, but GUYfriend ended the night with his money in his pocket, and if I was going to compare the outcome of this night to the economy…. the issue was no longer one of inflation, rather one of deflation.
GUYfriend of course bragged that as crazy as this night had been, he was indeed the victor and reminded me that L.A. girls are nothing but trash….
This is when I decided he needed an intervention…… and this is how the dialogue went…
ME: “GUYfriend, if you keep going on these sites, you are never going to meet nice girls, what the hell do you expect?”
HIM: “Janell, what is the difference between what I do, and the guys you have dated? Those guys have taken you on trips, bought you gifts, taken you for dinners….it’s still an exchange of sex for money.”
I needed a few seconds to reflect and then I said…
ME: “Well the difference is, I never asked them to buy me anything. The difference is I never expected gifts or trips. GUYfriend, my experience is that when a man loves a woman, they like to do nice things for them…..”
HIM: “OK J, still sex for money as I see it; I still don’t see any difference.”
ME: “The difference is I would have been there without the gifts, without the trips. The difference is that I was there because I loved the guy…
And he knows me, and he knew I was right, and he knows who I am…. And I haven’t given up hope on GUYfriend meeting a great girl, but for now, he is definitely getting what he is putting out there… so for now, when wants to date one of my friends………. I JUST SAY NO…
Stayed Tuned….Next week’s story is……L.A. YOU CRACK ME UP!