Tinder Tantrum – How to talk your friend of the perilous Tinder ledge….
I ran into my friend at the nail salon last Sunday afternoon, and as I sat beside her getting my paws done, noticed she seemed down, and when I asked what was wrong…….
Friend: “Janell, I am sick of my life…sick. I am sick of LA. Sick of working so much, sick of stressing about money, sick and tired of being alone….LA sucks.”
ME: “Geez, Friend, what the hell, you like…. need a vacation or something!”
Friend: “Seriously this city SUCKS. Have you been on Tinder yet?”
ME: “Um, Tinder….no, remember I wrote that blog post called “OK Stupid” about my crappy experience on “OK Cupid?”
Friend: “Not really…..sort of…well….maybe I skimmed through that one?”
ME: “Well it was so bad that let’s just say….I am saying NO to Tinder for now.” “What happened on Tinder that has got you sooooo suicidal today?”
Friend: “Oh it’s just another ‘sea of men’ who really only want to hook up and do the old fuck- and- dump, or it’s guys who make you want to barf because they are ugly and gross, it’s just a ‘sea full of garbage’.” “Tinder Sucks!” “Dating in LA SUCKS!” “Let’s face it, everything fucking sucks!”
ME: “Well, I agree that the dating sites don’t exactly make me feel like Prince Charming is around the corner, but I haven’t given up. I am just hoping to meet someone if life…you know, just meet someone as I am running around being me.” “Maybe you should just try going out more and meeting people in everyday life instead of relying on Tinder.”
Friend: “Seriously, you are joking right? Stop pushing my buttons. You are starting to really piss me off right now.”…. “Ohhhh just go ouuut and meeeet someone in liffffe……uhhhh.”
ME: “Well it’s either that or stay on the stupid Tinder site and let the sea of garbage eat up your iPhone data.”
Friend: “So what, you think I should go and sit at the bar at Craig’s and hope to meet someone? Or maybe Mastros…yeah right Janell, that’s where I am going to meet my soulmate.”…….. “And those loser guys at those places NEVER even offer to buy drinks, they are such cheap asses.” …… “No offense, but if I want to sit around and visit with you I can do that at your house – I don’t need a $70 dollar night hanging out with bar losers.”
ME: “Yeah, I know, I like to go to Craig’s and Mastros sometimes – but I meant parties, events, the gym, just living life ….at least that is my strategy of the moment.”
Friend: “And how’s THAT working out for you?” “It’s not like you updated your Facebook status or anything.” “It’s still Janell is single…you haven’t even been able to change it to ‘Its Complicated’….”
ME: “Who wants ‘Its Complicated?” “LA is complicated enough; I don’t need an ‘It’s Complicated’ kind of a romance in my life.”
Friend: “Whatever. I am just sick of the guys here, of the cost of living here, the daily grind, I guess it’s just grinding me down today.” “It’s definitely harder here than other cities; that’s all I am saying.”
ME: “Yeah, I agree.” “It’s definitely a hard city to meet people and its crazy expensive, but even when I lived in Canada it wasn’t easy to meet guys either.”
Friend: (says nothing, just glares icy glares in my direction)
ME: “When I lived in Edmonton, I became single for the first time in a while – I tried to meet men, and it was hard there too. I ended up meeting an American and moving here. And maybe it was less expensive there, and people are definitely friendlier, but you had to deal with the -40 degree winters. And when it’s that fucking cold, you don’t even want to go out and meet people. You just stay inside and watch TV, eat and drink. I mean you have to plug your car in or the engine won’t start, believe me every place has their downside.”
Friend: “You have to plug your car in…….?”
ME: “Yep seriously you do.” ….”You know relationships are tough everywhere. Take the Ashley Madison scandal….30 some million cheating spouses, those people aren’t all in Los Angeles. There are as many fucked up people in Oklahoma as there are Orange County. The world is a lonely place; you just got to make your little corner of it good for you.”
Friend: “You are pissing me off again with your cheerleader-glass-half-full-think-you-are-a-shrink attitude.” “You are making me want to screeeeaaam!”
ME: “Sorry, just trying to keep you from jumping of the crazy-ass-Tinder-provoked- ledge you seemed to be perched on today……..”
Friend: (icier, icy, icy glares coming in my direction)
ME: “Hey I love you, and I think you are great, I just don’t want to buy into this depressing LA sucks conversation, as it brings me down. I have my own things I am worried about and I have noticed that when I don’t dwell on all the negative crap, things just roll easier.” “Just trying to let you vent and then pull you back from the dark side into the light.”
Friend: “I like the dark side.”
ME: “Okay, be miserable, I get it. I have HATE DAYS too when I let my brain get the best of me and when I feel like nothing is ever going to be right.”
Friend: “What do you do to get that sappy-cheery-ass attitude of yours back, when you have one of your so called HATE DAYS.”
ME: “If I tell you, it might make you feel like you want scream at me again…”
Friend: “Fine …thanks for the warning.”
ME: “Well, I just think of all of the things that I have to be grateful for. And when I think about it there are so many. And then I think about some of my friends who are miserable in their relationships, and feel grateful for being single and not stuck with the wrong person. And if that doesn’t help I watch CNN; the news always has some disaster out there that makes me realize how lucky I am at the moment.”
Friend: (blank stares, mixed in with a look of ‘OMG – you’ve got to be fucking kidding me look’)
ME: “And if all of that doesn’t work, a glass or more likely two of cabernet, a Crunchie chocolate bar from my Canadian stash, and I call a friend or my mom and talk.” “Somehow they sense my stupid-self-absorbed-pity-party and snap me back to reality.
Friend: “Well I like the part about drinking; do you want to grab a drink? Maybe some Prosecco at Il Fico, it’s a nice day to be outside on a patio.
ME: “Sure, why not, meet you there at five?”
And that is how I talked her off the Tinder ledge that day, as she talked me off many ledges in the past….
We all need friends, family, people around us who care about us enough to wake us up, shake us up, and remind us of who we are, what we have, and how great life can be….It’s not about what we don’t have right now that matters, it’s about what we do have that counts…..
Check out the links below to Craig’s and Mastros…two great fun hot spots in LA!
by Janell Martin www.WheatFieldsToWonderland.com