Discounted, My Life lived at 75% Off!
Discounted… A word that is simply ‘music to my ears’. Why? Because discounted indicates to me that some beautiful item of clothing—one that I could never buy on my ‘Single Girl Salary’—has now gone from being an ‘impossible possession’ to something ‘hopefully attainable’, if the item I am eyeballing continues its downward discounted trajectory until it is within my price range.
I recently walked into Intermix in Beverly Hills and saw the cutest sixties-inspired Missoni dress. I love Missoni—the mix of colors, and the cool knit fabric feels so vibrant and alive that anything Missoni designs makes me feel like a million bucks when I wear it. But, unfortunately, it costs like a million bucks, or it seems like something that only someone who has ‘big money’ can afford to buy. So, when I commented to the sales clerk that I was going to keep my eye on it until it went on sale, and when he said “Missoni never goes on sale”, I looked at him with a ‘gleeful smirking look’ on my face said “Well, I have bought three other Missoni dresses here on sale – two were discounted at 75% off and one was actually 90% off, so umm, I will take my chances.”
I SO hate when sales clerks lie – out and out lie – to make a sale. I am a proud ‘discount’ shopper, and I have no shame in saying that. I learned this lesson over the last recession when I began to notice that clothing started to be discounted at well over 50% off, and sometimes went as low as 90% off. I remember (fondly) walking into Diavolina one Sunday afternoon, as Canoli and I used to stroll up and down Robertson Boulevard each Sunday—me looking for clothes on sale, and Canoli looking for attention and treats—when I spotted the beautiful hand-beaded sequenced Philip Lim dress I had been ogling-over for the last several months, hanging on the sales rack. I was having a rough day; and sometimes a little retail therapy—also known as ‘happiness in a bag syndrome’— takes away your mini-depression, even if for only a second. So I decided to try on the dress, as it was my size, and GODDAMNIT it if I didn’t look fucking amazing in it!
Shit!!! The dress was a show-stopping, red-carpet, one of a kind dress that fit me perfectly. I nervously looked down at the price tag, and saw that it was $1900 dollars. Of course, it was a ‘rich girl dress’, still likely out of my league, even on a discounted sales rack. I started to calculate in my head, well… if it is discounted at 40% off that is around, $1200 or so, and if it was as low as 50% off it would be just over $1000 with tax. I had a bummer-moment-of-realization, knowing that at 50% off, it was still an unattainable discounted dream. At this point, I didn’t feel happy, just depressed.
Of course, the sales-girl told me how ammmazing it looked on me, and after parading around in it for about 20 minutes, trying on various shoes to see if my gams looked good, and pulling my hair into an assortment of up-dos, I didn’t want to look like a time-wasting-broke-loser so I sheepishly asked how much it was on sale for? The sales-girl told me it was 90% off. I think my mouth dropped so low that my chin actually scratched the floor. Ninety percent off, umm, that meant that the dress was less than 200 dollars, well maybe $220 with tax.
“I WILL TAKE IT!!!!” I screamed so loudly I am surprised the glass windows in the store didn’t shatter. As I threw back on my sneakers, cut-offs, and with my baseball cap masking my greasy-hair-no-make-up street-urchin look, I ran to the cash register, plopped down my plastic and squealed as I purchased my first ever majorly discounted dress.
And that folks… is how it ALLLL started. Since that moment in time, my brain realized that… everything goes on sale, and since that time, I proudly hold my head high as I continue on my discounted only shopping life path.
So, if you decide to try to follow my discounted path, here are some tips you need to follow:
- Realize that shopping needs to become a ritual. You need to frequent stores you like, scope out items your heart desires, and then watch for sales. Befriend the sales-girls, tell them honestly that you are not a ‘Beverly Hills Housewife’ or a ‘Trust Fund Baby’, or a ‘Sugar Baby’; rather you work your ass off and you can only ONLY buy things on sale. They will get it because, umm, they are working too! If you get lucky, they will like you and let you know when things are discounted at 75% off or (giggle, giggle, giggle)… more!
- You don’t shop anymore when you need something, NO NO NO! Discounted shopping means that you have to buy things when you might not necessarily need them, so you must shop in anticipation that you will get invited to a fancy party, or you will need a dress for a date, or that the turquoise shirt on sale really brings out your eyes, and will make you a guy magnet. You need to shop for the future. This actually is very productive, because you are never ‘stressed’ trying to find something to wear, and positively planning for a ‘fabulous future’ creates good energy and allows good things to happen! (Okay, I might be embellishing a little here, but I do believe that! Or justify it, whatever!!!)
- Why stop at clothes? Christmas is around the corner, friends will have another birthday… when you find something great for someone, and if you can get it on sale, why not? The only caveat here is that they can’t return it, but chances are, if you were planning to spend a $100 and you get something that was $400, for $100—they will likely love it, and think you are a baller! And if they don’t, they are just ungrateful fuckers! Only purchase items like: scarves, handbags, jewelry or cool home accessories—don’t buy actual items of clothing, as everyone’s body is different, and what fits you and looks great on you, might look like shit on them! Well, all I can say is my closet if full of beautiful items that I proudly purchased at discounted rates. Even if I were to have an expendable income someday, at this point in my life, after having worked so hard, I can’t imagine ever paying full-price for anything. You may call it frugal; I call it being a smart consumer.
That being said… I wouldn’t mind having the option too, LOL!!! Money GODS, are you listening??
PS… I DID get the sixties inspired Missoni dress on sale, 80% off! BOOYA!!!
PSS… Diavolina went bankrupt, miss those sales…
PSSS… Louis Vuitton, you never go on sale. BOO HOO to you…
Audio link below… Spread the love folks! x0