Hypocrites! Are you an LA Hypocrite?
Hypocrites generally act in contradiction to their stated beliefs or feelings, or they pretend to possess virtues that they do not have. If you are scratching your head and need an example as to what I mean, imagine this scenario:
- …So, if you say that you are a devoted husband, and your wife and kids are the most important, cherished gifts that life has given you…
- …Yet, on a business trip to Las Vegas, when the booze kicks in and let’s not forget the ‘what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas’ mentality…
- …And you end up in a sexual-tryst with a random stranger, who ends up being a disease-infected-stripper…
- …If you then justify your actions by saying things like: I was drunk, I didn’t know what I was doing, it was just sex, shit happens, or what my wife doesn’t know won’t hurt her
- …So, you decide to fix the situation by secretly asking your buddy to get antibiotics under his name…
- …And feign gastrointestinal distress until the infection is healed, therefore avoiding intimacy with your wife…
- …And shrug off any guilt about the cheating incident with the mentality of ‘no harm no foul’…
Then, not only are you a cheater, a scumbag, and a louse – you are a hypocrite. Your wife and your family are truly not as cherished as your proclaimed and pronounced; rather, your penis’s sense of satisfaction, or the desire to chart some uncharted territory, or a drunken-random-stranger-quickie, are all— at least momentarily— more important than your declaration of devotion.
The world is full of hypocrites, but as I live in Los Angeles, I decided to focus on, well, the things I Know… so here goes!
So how do you know if you fall into the LA Hypocrite category?
- You ‘I heart Organic’ and you spend so much time shopping at Erewhon and Whole Foods that the tellers know your name. However, when eating out, you don’t think to ask the waiter at Spago if the salad is organic—you just trust the quality of food by the price of the entrée. Or, if you find yourself at El Coyote—where you know that nothing is going to be organic—yet, you happily chow down, then you are an organic hypocrite! (Oy vey, that is SO me)
- If you are NOT Celiac or Gluten intolerant, yet you only eat Gluten free because, well, you think it’s healthier for you for some stupid reason, and you make a big deal about ONLY eating gluten-free to the chagrin of others; but when at Dodger Stadium, you can’t wait to chow down on a Dodger-Dog while watching the Dodgers play, then you are a fad hypocrite! As gluten isn’t your enemy, it’s a fair-weather frenemy!
- If you applaud President (and I give him the title with my teeth gritted) Trump’s immigration reforms as necessary and a positive step for America, yet you complain when you can’t find any ‘cheap labor’ to mow your lawn, wash your car or clean your home…. Then you are a self-serving hypocrite.
- If you think building a wall to keep the ‘bad hombres’ out of the country is the best idea since sliced bread, yet you don’t care how many Canadian snow-birds illegally extend their Visas, or how many cute Russian girls live stateside indefinitely without any paperwork, then you are a political hypocrite. Plus, differentiating based upon a race rather than an overall situation not only makes you a political hypocrite, but also a racist .
- If you brag about the Lamborghini you drive, or your 10,000 square foot home in Bel Air, and like to engage in conversations complaining about your high tax-bracket; yet, you fail to tip the shampoo guy who washes your hair or you short-change the waitress in a restaurant thinking 10 percent is enough to tip for ‘that-kind’ of service, then you are a cheap-shit hypocrite. You aren’t a big spender, you’re a self-absorbed narcissist who only thinks of himself and a cheap-shit hypocrite.
- If you tell everyone that you haven’t had any work done, and that you roll out of bed on any given day looking ‘fabulosa’ because ‘baby, you were born that way’; yet, you are constantly at the dermatologist’s getting Botox, fillers, and chemical peels to stave of signs of aging; then you’re are a dishonest hypocrite. When your insecurities cause you to lie, sorry, you end up becoming a dishonest hypocrite. Plus, we all know, you were not born with THOSE LIPS!
- If you say you’re ‘environmentally friendly’, so you drive a Tesla or a Prius to help reduce carbon emissions, because you know that pollution is causing global warming, so, you are doing your part to save our Earth. Yet, if you still smoke cigarettes, then you are a dumb-ass hypocrite. On top of harming the lungs of those around you when you puff on your cigarettes, did you know that the pesticides and herbicides required to grow the fragile tobacco plants are harmful? They can leach into the ground, which inevitably makes its way to our water supply, and can be poisonous to humans and wildlife. Plus, if you are living in an area where Methyl Bromide— one of the pesticides used to grow tobacco plants— has not been banned, then guess what? Your cigarette is actually depleting the Ozone Layer. So, you are driving a car to help save the Ozone Layer, all the while depleting it with every puff of your cigarette! You are your own version of Alanis Morrissette’s song, ‘Isn’t it Ironic.’ If you might be guilty of driving up to the Chateau Marmont in your Tesla, and getting out and lighting up a cigarette, then guess what? You are a dumb-ass hypocrite.
Well, you get it, life everywhere is full of people who say one thing and do the opposite. So, think before you speak, investigate before you proclaim, and always try to walk at least ten feet in someone else’s shoes before you cast judgment.
Hey, we are all in this life together; maybe if we can try to be more open-minded, accepting of others differences, and respectful to all, then perhaps this world—and everyone and everything that lives on it— can start to heal.
Plus, who wants to be a hypocrite? As it kind of makes you suck as a human being.
PS… If you like dogs, please check out my first novel ‘Where the Dogs Go’ available the link is on my website, or you can go directly to http://www.WheretheDogsGo.com or get it online at Amazon or Barnes and Noble