Love and Hate List and 10 Reasons I LOVE You!
Have you ever sat down and made up a list of the reasons why you are with someone? I think it’s safe to bet that a high percentage of the population—both male and female—have, at some point during their romantic escapades, came to a point in the relationship where they had to sit down and make up a list outlining the numerous reasons why they loved someone while simultaneously creating an adjacent list delineating all the reasons why they hated the very same person whom they claimed to love. This process of creating a ‘love and hate list’ often becomes a barometer as to whether the person continues in the relationship; as either the good outweighs the bad, or it substantiates the person’s concerns, giving them enough negative reasons to flee the relationship.
I would argue that if you need to sit down and write out a list of reasons why you are with someone, then most likely this relationship is already doomed. I mean, shouldn’t you know in your heart why this person is the one for you? If you have to put a list in writing, outlining all of someone’s strengths, while at the same time defining all of their inadequacies or irritating qualities, doesn’t it perhaps indicate to you that maybe you shouldn’t be in this relationship?
If it takes making a list to convince you that it is time to make a change, well, then, the list making process is not a useless exercise. However, the mere fact that you are making out a list to help you to make a decision to, as The Clash sang in their song, ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go’, tells me that, umm, most likely, you should go.
Love and Hate List, Stay or Go List
The ‘love and hate list’ doesn’t start and end with romantic relationships. You can make a ‘love and hate list’ about any topic that is troubling you at the moment: friends, relatives, chocolate, wine, buying or selling your home. I mean life is full of challenging moments where we often need clarification as to which direction we want to point our compass in, giving us a path to follow. What do I mean?
Let’s take your job for example. If you are making up a list as to why you like your job, while at the same time you create a list outlining all of the reasons why you are waking up in the middle of the night suffering from severe anxiety caused by job-related stress, does your loss of sleep and heightened anxiety not give you enough reason to start to look at the want ads?
If you love to drink red wine, and your red wine love list has points like it relaxes me, I am funny when I drink, all food tastes better with wine, I can’t socialize without it, I can’t flirt without it, I don’t think I could DO HIM without it, actually… it’s my best friend. Then, on the red wine hate list side you note only one negative remark: doctor said it caused my recent episode of pancreatitis and that it could lead to other more serious health complications if I don’t stop drinking so much wine. Hmm, did you really need to make out the list?
Regardless if you make out an actual list, I guess at some point we all need to sit down with our ‘quiet self’ and sort through difficult decisions. Putting blinders on a horse will keep him moving in only one direction—forward—by keeping his distractions to a minimum. But, umm…. I am not a horse. I would debate that, in life, we should be removing our blinders and dealing with our problems, our dilemmas, and our bad relationships head on. What good is looking at life through rose-colored glasses if the glasses are cracked?
So, my advice, whether you choose to take it or not, is to trust your gut, go with your intuition, and if it takes making out a list so you can physically see the issues that are staring you in the face, and if that helps you to rectify a problem, then damn it, go for it. Make your fucking list.
My story
That being said, I recently cleaned house in a number of areas of my life, and removed people and situations that were stopping me from being the best me I could be. This purging process hasn’t been easy, but it has led me to open new doors of opportunities for friends, love, work, and life experiences. Sometimes, if you look at a situation honestly, and let your heart and your gut guide you, they will tell you all you need to know; because… inside you know, you always know, you really do.
Anyway, even though I have balked and bagged on making stupid lists to help you sort out your feelings, after having made several big changes in my life in the past couple of years, I have let go of some friendships, valued others, and opened the doors for new and wonderful friends and their energies to enter my world. Your friends don’t always end up being the ones you think are going to be your friends after you have purged people from your life. It is surprising who remains, who leaves, and who enters once you are clear on what you want.
So here are the ten reasons why, if you are my friend, WHY I LOVE you:
- When I text you, or call you, you text or call me back. It doesn’t have to be a whole conversation, but you acknowledge my existence. I matter enough to you that you make an effort to connect with me. As well, no matter how much time has passed since the last time we spoke, or saw each other, you understand that life is busy and you are solid enough in our friendship to know that true friendship is a lasting bond.
- When I make a stupid ‘Sagittarian’ dumb-ass comment—and as you know me well enough to know that my intent was not malicious—you, therefore, choose to ignore my stupidity or blonde moment. Okay, so you may point it out to me that it came across the wrong way, but you don’t hold it against me. True friends understand each other’s faults and accept them as part of our uniqueness.
- When we go out to eat, you don’t expect me to split the bill, you understand that I am on a budget and let me pay for what I consumed. You recognize that sometimes $20 is a big deal.
- You know I am a terrible driver and I have night blindness, so you don’t mind picking me up, or you don’t become irritated if my Uber driver doesn’t show up on time. Plus, you don’t mock me for walking to meet you, flip-flops on my feet, high heels in my bag.
- You understand that clothes are important to me, and you totally get how I could rationalize eating gluten-free ramen noodles for a week so that I could buy a pair of shoes on sale.
- You allow me to be my outgoing, bubbly self. You don’t try to shut me down, or take over a conversation, or disallow me to be me. You love me the way I am.
- You acknowledge that I am as funny as fuck.
- I know that if I tell you a secret, that you will keep my confidence always.
- You support my endeavors, you applaud my efforts, and you believe in what matters to me, because… I matter to you.
- You love me unconditionally, because life is tough, and we all mess up at times but at the end of the day… I know that you are here for me as I am here for you.So, if you count me in as one of your friends, I bet you totally get my list!
That being said, take time to look at your life and your relationships. If something isn’t working, you are the ONLY one who can fix it. Making changes isn’t always easy, but being stuck in a bad relationship, a one-sided friendship, or a tenuous job are only robbing you of living a healthy and happy life.So, if it takes making a damn list of ‘pro’s and con’s’, or a ‘love and hate list’, or a ‘stay or go list’… make it, if it helps you to clarify a situation. But realize, that having to make a list means that something isn’t right, and don’t let that nagging feeling that is tearing at your soul go unfed. An unnourished soul becomes eventually an empty soul, and at the end of the day, it is our souls, and our accomplishments that remain of what was, once, our physical selves.
Check out my book ‘Where the Dogs Go’ on Amazon or Barnes and Nobles! http://www.WheretheDogsGo.com
Love Him Hate Him
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