Los Angeles, You Make Me Want to Drink!
Living in a large metropolitan city is challenging in and of its self. But, Los Angeles is unique. An urban center whose heart is the hub for the entertainment industry makes Hollywood a global hotspot destination of intrigue and excitement. A place with rich cultural and ethnic diversity, where music, the arts, and theater is celebrated. Everyone from all walks of life can find something to do and enjoy in Los Angeles.
It’s a great place to live a full, varied, and happy life. But then…
Los Angeles, sometimes you do things that make me feel like in am living in ‘LOST ANGELES’, and well, you make me want to drink when…
Scenario one – Road Construction…
There is construction ahead; suddenly, three lanes are down to one. Your seven-minute commute to the gym is now looking to be around twenty-seven minutes. You are panicked you will not get there in time and hence lose the spin bike you signed up for. The spin bike you had to get up at 6:15 am the day before to sign up for because the spin instructor is so popular that if you don’t sign in precisely 26 hours before the class, you won’t get a bike. You are now officially stressed the fuck out.
The guy in the car beside you is going God knows where, and he is as panicked as you. But unlike you, taking deep breathes, trying to chill, realizing that there literally is NOWHERE TO GO, the guy in the car beside you decided to bulldoze his way through the congested traffic. He thinks that he can somehow beat ‘the system’ and get to where he is going quicker.
Like, maybe his car really does fly? LOL!
So, what does he do? He speeds up his car, and I’ll add he is in the lane to your left, and he turns his wheel right in front of your car, forcing you to hit your breaks so hard to avoid crashing into the side of his car that you get whiplash. The car behind you comes to a screeching halt, and you can hear cars screeching and horns blowing for what seems like miles around.
Your neck is sore, you are mad, and the mother-fucker that cut you off and almost caused an accident is now sitting in front of you. You are stuck behind him for the next twenty minutes until you can get out of the construction madness when the street to your gym is FINALLY to your right.
Miserable, inconsiderate, little man… you make me want to drink, and it’s 8:20 am… and yes, someone else got my spin bike as I’m now five minutes late to class.
Scenario Two – Building Construction…
New buildings are going up around where you live or work. Hey, progress, it’s good, right? But the beauty of new construction is quickly forgotten by those who have to work or live around it.
It’s seven am. I’m asleep. I’ve had a few problematic sleepless nights and finally, thank you, Jesus, I’ve slept through the night. So, when I am awoken by chainsaws, and hammers, and music blaring so loudly that the people using the chainsaws and hammers can not only hear the music, they can fucking sing along…
I want to scream and beat people up, but I’m not a fan of getting arrested… so I may scream and toss in my bed, but when I realize that I’m never falling back asleep, I’m forced to get up. And, damn it, you make me want to drink LA, and it’s only seven am. And… we are not talking coffee.
It’s nine-thirty am. I’m trying to go to the grocery store. The city of Los Angeles is paving the street to the left of my place, so the city workers have that street closed off. The back alley is blocked by a large moving van carrying materials for a construction project that is going up directly behind my building. So, I turn right and head in the opposite direction of the store. But now, when I get to that intersection and look to my right, another large truck is trying to turn down that back alley, and there is no way past it.
Frustration sets in…
So, I go down another block. Finally, it looks like I can get to Robertson Boulevard. Once there, I happily turn right onto Robertson, and I’m finally headed in the correct direction. But, now I’m in bumper to bumper traffic that seems to be going nowhere. As I inch my way along, two blocks later, I see that a drunk has knocked down the street light overnight, and the police are redirecting traffic and forcing me to turn right. I now drive one block past the street to my building, and by this time, I need to pee really badly, so I just decide to head home.
It’s ten twenty-five am. I’m are home, sitting on my toilet, peeing. I’ve wasted almost hour and have nothing to eat for breakfast because I couldn’t get to the store. Los Angeles, all you make me want to do at this point is… drink.
Scenario Four – Parking Structures
In a city with limited parking structures, and when time is precious (hey, it’s all we have, it’s always precious), why do you ‘Mr. Expensive Car’ park on the angle hogging up two spaces at Equinox or at Whole Foods so that I can’t find a place to park!
The parking spaces are clearly defined by thick, white, or yellow lines. Your car is supposed to fit in between the two white lines. It doesn’t matter what country you live in, it’s a universal symbol for your fucking car goes between the two damn white lines.
So, why do you think it’s okay to hog up two spaces? Is it because your car cost more than mine? Do you believe that someone is not going to respect your vehicle and ding your car? Hey, at least you can likely afford to fix a door ding if your car costs over $100,000. Would you do this at a hospital? I hope not, because that could endanger someone’s life.
Your lack of civility doesn’t make me want to scratch your car, I’m not crazy, but it does make me wonder why you think the rules don’t apply to you. It’s rude and disrespectful to others. And, at times, it makes me want to drink. Yep, a nice tall glass of red wine.
Scenario Five – Weather…
So, yes, it’s called sunny California for a reason. Most of the world thinks of severe weather warnings as blizzards, floods, hurricanes, etc. In Los Angeles, we dread… rain. Yes, rain is our weather. Los Angelites actually fear and dread rain. We know we need rain, and we are appreciative of it, yet, no one wants to go out in the rain or especially drive in it.
So, when 25 million people are driving in the dreaded Los Angeles weather RAIN condition, the one they fear the most, having been warned by the news announcers as they sipped their morning coffee to drive slowly, why are you driving faster than usual?
Do you like spraying my car with dirty water? Are you under the impression that everyone will think you’re a lunatic and move out of your way? Or, do you believe that weaving in and out of traffic when the roads are slick and when other drivers are driving in their ‘weather stressed-out modes’ that your reckless driving will not be an impediment to them?
You, crazy driver, cause accidents. You stress me out so much that by the time I get to where I’m going… I want to drink!
Scenario Six – Walking in the city…
So, they say, no one walks in LA. Unlike most of my friends, I love to walk. I prefer walking somewhere over driving. Perhaps, after having grown up in a country that was mainly covered with snow, or had inhospitable walking weather ninety percent of the time, has made me really appreciate being able to walk outside. And, I meet a lot of people walking their dogs or walking to go to places. I’m not the only one who walks in LA. But, when the majority of the people never walk, they forget that there are those of us who are walking.
So, DRIVER, you are sitting in your car, and you are turning right, and watching the traffic to your left, so that at the first open break you can quickly turn right and get into the lane of traffic. But DRIVER what you are not watching are the pedestrians, who, by the way, have the right-a-way, crossing from the left of you.
Yes, pedestrians really DO have the right-a-way!
Even when I have a ‘white walk light’ as I get near a car, and I see the DRIVER is looking to the left, I tap loudly on their car with my fist to get their attention. And, I don’t cross until I have their attention, pointing to the ‘walk sign’ and smiling as I walk in front of their car.
Some are nice and nod. Others scowl and honk their horns. I say, be bloody grateful that I AM PAYING ATTENTION! As I not only saved my life but prevented you from a lifetime of paying for my medical bills.
What the fuck drivers, pay attention! You have the right to use the road, but you don’t own it. Sometimes, after a near ‘Janell almost got mowed down incident,’ you make me go home and want to DRINK!
SCENARIO EIGHT – Doggies!
I love dogs! Los Angeles loves dogs. Dogs have almost as many rights, and rightfully so, as people in Los Angeles. Restaurants cater to our beloved pets boasting of dog-friendly patios; some even have dog-friendly menus. Fluffy can go into the grocery store, to the mall, there are very few restrictions for your best friend.
But owner, why do I see you walking Fluffy, and not picking up his poop. News flash his poop does stink, and when it gets stuck to my boot or shoe, I’m not happy. Why do you think that you are above all of the other dog owners in the world, and you do not need to clean up after your pup?
Are you entitled?
Lazy? Too cheap to buy disposable doggie poop bags? What is it? Be an adult, or a responsible person, and pick up your dogs’ poop. When I see a human, who is not taking the responsibility of picking up his dogs’ poop, it makes me wonder what else you are not doing. It makes me want to grab your dog and run because I’m guessing that your likely not taking care of it properly.
You make me sick, and I hate cleaning caca off my shoes, especially my Prada’s. Be a responsible pet owner, don’t make the rest of us look bad. You make me want to drink… ugh!
And at the end of the day….
There will always be inconsiderate people around you, so try set an example to always be considerate of everyone. Treat others in your life how you wish to be treated yourself. And remember, not everything is about you….
So, the moral of this LA you make me want to drink story is…
1. Treat others as you want to be treated.
2. Patience is a virtue, and a big city forces us to be patient. Just find your way to cope without becoming an angry lunatic.
3. There should be wine stores on every corner, just sayin!
If you want to check out my novel, Where the Dogs Go, it’s available online at Amazon! Cute, funny and heartfelt. Meant for anyone who has every loved a dog, or a pet. Kisses and Woofs!