Is Valentine’s Day the Most Romantic Day of the Year?
The most romantic day of the year, February 14th is the day we officially celebrate LOVE! All of the coupled people out there know that this is the one day of the year where your partner, your spouse, your boyfriend, or your girlfriend better bloody-well step up to the plate and make this day extra special. Expectations of intimate dinners, intimate gifts, and well, intimacy are not only clearly delineated; they are also expected.
Restaurants, greeting card companies, florists, chocolate companies, lingerie stores, advertise, and promote their special Valentine’s Day-themed amenities in hopes of cashing in on you and your loved ones’ expectations for the most ‘Romantic Day of the Year.’
The expectations of performance, on every level on this day, are actually overwhelming. And, as we all know, relationships are not always a TEN on the happiness scale. So how do we navigate this pre-determined most romantic day of the year?
Let’s start with the Happy Relationships…
So, you and your partner are in LOVE. You enjoy each other’s company, have a healthy sex life, stimulating conversation, and trust that you both have found your soulmate. In this case, you look forward to this day: flowers, candlelit dinners, romance… yep, it’s on.
But I have to wonder how many relationships out there actually are happy enough to navigate this holiday unscathed?
Flashback to when I was in a so-called Happy Relationship…
One of my now ex-boyfriends, ‘apparently’ had a phobia of Valentine’s Day. Why? Was he afraid of getting pierced by Cupid’s arrow and left with a deep wound? Well, that’s not far off the mark, so to speak. He had a fear of commitment, and Valentine’s Day meant a commitment to committing to being in a committed relationship, which scared the fuck out of him.
So, knowing this, I wasn’t holding out any great hope for a big romantic evening, but my little heart kept hoping he would love me enough to well, just get over his damn stupidity. So, when he suggested cooking a romantic dinner for me, something he had never done before, I’ll add, I was over the moon.
Imagine my surprise when he called me on his way home on Valentine’s Day to tell me he was stopping at Gelson’s to pick out some ‘amazing food’ from their bar of hot foods. I remember initially being quiet, then shocked, and finally mustering up the courage to ask, ‘What happened to you cooking a romantic dinner for me?’ And his remark was, ‘This is my idea of cooking.’
Flashback to now… my NOT the most Romantic Day of the Year memory…
Yep, I slammed down the phone. Of course, he called back multiple times, all of which I ignored. I was hurt, I was pissed, and I was crying. I realized at this moment that after ten months of being in a happy relationship: great conversation, great sex, and great fun times, that I was dating a loser. A loser who was afraid of a stupid day called Valentine’s Day. Fearful that celebrating this day with me, in a genuinely loving way, would somehow change him. How damn lame is this? When I finally picked up the phone, I screamed into his ear at length about what a lame-ass loser he was, unleashing the demon that can be me when I am truly, pissed.
Ironically, my hissy fit of rage worked as we ended up at one of those fancy restaurants that night, with the pre-selected three-course meal. And I was momentarily happy. But, once reality hit, the momentary happiness was replaced with the sad realization that this man was not, and never would be the right guy for me.
Result: One happy, loving relationship derailed and ended shortly after the MOST romantic day of the year.
So, what if you KNOW YOUR relationship sucks? How do you navigate the most Romantic Day of the Year?
Surviving The Most Romantic Day of the Year When Your Relationship SUCKS…
Okay, so things are tense in your relationship. Perhaps there is no sex or no conversation, or there are money issues, or you just don’t love each other anymore but stay together for GOD know what reason. Then what does this day mean to you?
FROM A GUY’S PERSPECTIVE:
Shit, I have to spend money on a three-course dinner with her, ugh. What will we talk about? Do I have to get her flowers, too? I’d rather give them to the cute girl at the office, at least she smiles at me. She probably is expecting chocolates; she loves those damn truffles. I mean, I like truffles too, but, if she would work-out, I wouldn’t have to worry about her gaining five pounds. It’s not like I care if she is a little chubby, but then I have to listen to her ask me over and over again if ‘she looks fat in her jeans’ and even when I lie and say no, she still doesn’t believe me. God damn, this is so much stress. Hey, but I wonder, if I make an effort, will I finally get laid tonight? Or, will she just pass out from drinking too much wine like she always does. I fucking hate Valentines’ Day.
FROM A GIRL’S PERSPECTIVE:
Great, it’s the most romantic day of the year, and I have to spend it with him. I know he’s going to mention multiple times how ridiculous the pre-set three-course dinner you have to pay for whether you eat it or not menu, pisses him off. And, I bet he forgets to get me flowers and grabs some from Pavillions on the way home. It’s embarrassing and hard to pretend to get excited about wilted store-bought flowers. I know it’s the thought that counts, but it makes me feel like I’m just an after-thought. I know he’s expecting me to get some new sexy lingerie. I’ve been dieting for days now so I can fit into it, and look hot. But how am I going to have a flat stomach and look sexy after a three-course dinner? The pressure is unbearable. Maybe I’ll just drink a lot and hope to pass out, or, if I don’t, I’ll be too drunk to care what I look like naked. You know, I fucking hate Valentine’s Day.
There is none. The unhappy couple goes through the motions, and they are both… miserable.
Okay, so now to the SINGLE people on the Most Romantic Day of the Year…
So, you are single. Dateless. Alone. You want to hide out from the world and avoid all forms of human life so that no one can corner you at the gym, or the water-cooler at work, and ask you what you are doing for Valentine’s Day. You’d do anything to avoid having to say, ‘nothing.’ Why, because you are single. On this day, the most romantic day of the year, you suddenly feel pathetic, unlovable, and lonely.
Even when some of your friends suggest you do a ‘girl’s night’ or your ‘gusband’ (Gay-husband) invites you to dinner, the fact that you are single is the only thing that resonates in your mind.
I’ve tried these things in the past. I’ve done a girls’ night one time, and three of my girlfriends and I went out. And guess what? We all felt PATHETIC! I’ve gone out with my gay-boyfriends, and it’s been fun but not like the fun of being with a male you want to kiss and make-out with after dinner.
When I had my puppy Canoli, at least I could spend time with him and do some retail therapy shopping together on Robertson Boulevard. Somehow, the momentary pleasure from buying something new, you know ‘Happiness in a Bag Syndrome,’ really does work! And let’s face it, there is nothing like the unconditional love of a dog.
I’ll be honest, I never feel lonely. I don’t. But, on Valentine’s day aka Single Awareness Day, otherwise, know as S.A.D., I am forced to acknowledge that I, Janell Martin, am single. But, so what? What does that mean to me?
It just means that I’m waiting for the right partner to share my life. Who wants to spend time with Mr. Wrong, Mr. In Between, Mr. He Drives Me Crazy, Mr. Cheapy, Mr. Ewe, I wouldn’t be surprised if someday he’ll end up being a Miss, … JUST SAYIN! …
It’s better off in life to be happy with your own company than be with someone who is just sucking away your beautiful light.
So, on that note…. The moral of this ‘Most Romantic Day of the Year’ story is…
- If you are indeed in a happy, loving relationship, then cherish it. Feed it, nurture it, respect it, treasure it, and value it. Relationships are not easy to maintain; they are work. You need to give as much as you get, if not more.
- If you are in an unhappy union, then what the fuck are you doing? Life is short, why are you compromising your happiness with the wrong person. Love yourself enough to be alone and learn who you are, then, and only then will you attract the right love to your heart.
- And, if you are single, fucking embrace it! Enjoy your freedom! Don’t be sad for what you don’t have right now. Enjoy the fact that you are strong enough to enjoy your own company and you are not willing to compromise your integrity for the thing that matters the most to you in your life, YOU!
- And lastly, be grateful for all of the friends who love you, a family that cherishes you (or hey, puts up with you), animals that snuggle with you, and mostly be grateful for YOU. You only have one ride as YOU, ROCK THAT DAMN RIDE, and love yourself.