Beware of Vultures lurking in Los Angeles!
How often have you seen vultures flying overhead in the clear blue skies of Los Angeles? Vultures are scavengers, meaning they eat dead animals. They rarely attack healthy animals, but they also prey on wounded or sick animals. While it is rare to spot a vulture’s massive wingspan soaring through the clear blue California skies, the land vultures are doing a pretty good job of cleaning up the carcasses strewn about our Los Angeles streets.
What? There are Land Vultures?
Yes, there are a variety of land vultures that will gladly pick the meat off the bones of a dead carcass. And, they also quickly spot the weak and the wounded and hunt them down mercilessly as well. While this species of land vultures may be news to your ears, let me further explain the categories of land vultures so that you can avoid having your eyes poked out by their pointy beaks.
The Master-Manipulator Land Vulture
This sneaky bird is able to trick you into submission and guess what, they are RAMPANT in Los Angeles. The Master-Manipulator tells you what you want to hear, often looking at you straight in the eyes while lying his feathery ass off. This bird will tell you what he perceives it is that you want to hear in order to weaken your defenses so he can come in for the kill. Mr. Master-Manipulator vulture is a cunning bird, one who could con another bird out of leaving his prey for a brand-new, empty and odorless… garbage can.
The Master-Manipulator land vulture falls into several sub-categories of vulture trickery and deceit here in Los Angeles. These birds are the trickiest of the vulture species: targeting the innocent, the weak, the needy, the kind-hearted, or the loving souls; these are often their most sought-out prey.
So, here goes the subcategories, study them carefully so you don’t fall prey to these scary beasts.
The Power Vultures aka the Actor-Producer-Director Vulture:
Ah, these vultures are in a position of power, and they use that power to get what they want. It’s the ‘let’s talk about the part over dinner’ kind of vulture. Or the ‘Sharon Stone’s career was started on the casting couch, it worked for her, maybe it will work for you too?’ kind of vulture. Or the, ‘Yes, I always cast girls I am dating, it makes the film more real’ kind of vulture. Hollywood is full of vultures that will do, say, or promise you anything just to get you in the sack.
And, it has worked for decades, until some female vultures put their wings together and soared high in the sky, squawking loudly and ferociously saying things like #nomore at some bad master-manipulator vultures.
Now some bad birds who are part of the Harvey Weinstein flock are no longer allowed to scavenge and hunt; basically, their wings have been literally clipped. However, you still need to be careful as there are other predators out there who have not had their wings clipped, and they are still willing to use the own power as bait to lure you in. These vultures are closely followed by the….
Pretend to be Real Vultures:
Okay, so this is another class of bird altogether. These vultures pretend to be ‘what they say they are’ when they are not at all ‘who they say they be’. You know, the vulture who tells you he’s an investment banker and that your money is safe with him, while he’s simultaneously stealing your funds. Or the married vulture who has temporary amnesia and forgets he has a wife until she finds him and tries to poke YOUR eyes out.
Or the vulture who drives a fancy car and pretends like he is a wealthy vulture, but he actually lives in his nest with his mom, or in a broken down beat up back-alley kind of nest. Or…. one of my personal favorites in LA… the actress vulture whose biggest credit is saying ‘do you want fries with your burger?’
These kinds of vultures lure you into the perception of who they ‘say’ they are by showing or telling you what they think you need to hear in order for you to trust them. These vulture’s prey on your kindness, or innocence, or your overall belief that most birds are good; as such they only show you what they want you to see until you fall victim to their lies and deceitful ways.
Then, we have the Bullying Vultures.
These vultures prey on birds they perceive that are weaker than themselves. They might try to make another bird feel bad about how he looks, or how he squawks. Hey, not every bird has the same wingspan as another! But these vultures will find a way to make fun of his squawks, or how he combs his feathers, or how migrated from another flock of birds. Basically, this vulture picks up on another bird’s shortcomings, or perceived differences, taunting that poor bird until he looks into his reflection in a pond and only sees a sparrow.
Bullying vultures will try to undermine you in any way they can to gain superiority over you – they want to rule YOUR sky.
Lastly, we have the Fake Vulture friends.
You know, the vultures who pretend to be your friend, but behind your back they squawk bad shit about you? Or, they pretend to support your endeavors. But, when you try to fly in a new direction, they roll their eyes behind your back and make fun of you. These are also the vultures that are ‘Ready Freddie’s’, you know what I mean. They are front and center when you are paying the bill, keeping their wings neatly tucked in around their bodies. And when you are flying high, they will gladly soar with you, reaping all the fringe benefits of flying beside you as part of your flock.
However, once you get the wind knocked out of you by a large nasty tree, and you need time to recover and heal from your fall, the fake vulture friends have found some new birds to fly with. Leaving you alone, by yourself, when you need them the most.
So, the morals of this Vultures in LA story is…
- No matter where you live in this world, you need to keep your eyes wide open, your senses keen on your surroundings; listen to what you hear, and remember what you see. In order to not be taken, used, tricked, or deceived in life, you need to keep your guard up. I am not saying you can’t trust and love, but when you see a red-flag that nags at your core, don’t forget it. It might be the red-flag warning that saves you from ending up as someone else’s carcass. Remember, Maya Angelou, said: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
- Honesty has nothing to hide. Truth has nothing to lose. And kindness doesn’t ask for anything back. If some bird you meet has any ulterior motives, if you need to question their honesty, their truth or their kindness, take the hint and fly as fast as you can in a different direction.
- Flying vultures may get a bad rap, but it’s not their fault, the universe built them this way. The land vultures, however, have chosen their path in life. You need not pity them, just avoid them at all cost.
Hey, attention dog lovers! Order a copy of my book ‘Where the Dogs Go’ on Amazon, and tell me what you think! Woof! Peace Out!