Los Angeles, you crack me up….I knew I had fallen into Wonderland when the I landed in LA, but sometimes I just can’t get past the crazy extremes that become the norm here, or the weird stuff that becomes the norm, or the surreal life that becomes…Reality….
Okay…..so here it goes…..25 things that crack me up, or make me feel like I am on crack, or likely… both!
- Guys call me dude. Coworkers call me dude. Clearly…..I am not a dude.
- Target is ‘swank’tified… in L.A. we pronounce it ‘Tar – Jay’…..Oh la la
- Vegan leather…what the fuck is Vegan Leather? Oh right…. Vegan Leather formerly known as pleather; pleather formally known as plastic. Ohhhh Right…..
- Stuck up sales people who talk down to you. I think in order to get hired to work in a store in Beverly Hills you need to have the snotty gene, or take a snotty pill in the morning before you get to work.
- Women wearing fur coats in the winter; you know for those bone chilling 57 degree nights!
- The signs posted outside a restaurant or vendor window that say “Gluten Free – Soy Free – Dairy Free – Fat Free – Vegan”…………………………. Makes me wonder what the hell I would be eating?
- One little stalled car can block traffic for miles – in the city, this will add 30 minutes to your drive; On the freeway, you had better hope you didn’t have too much coffee in the morning or pray you have your cup with you as….. you are likely going to need to pee into it.
- Ten year old girls carrying designer hand bags. What does a ten year old girl need with a Chanel bag?
- Sweet 16 means getting a Mercedes, BMW or Range Rover and maybe…. a boob or nose job.
- Parents need to waitlist their kids for Preschool when they are still in the womb.
- Celebrities working out in the gym wearing Sunglasses….so as to remain…… anonymous.
- Valet parking at grocery stores!
- Half of LA has handicapped parking passes, and 99 percent of them don’t appear to be handicapped.
- LA is a city where an old lady wearing too much make up, with white blond hair and wearing age- inappropriate-clothing, driving a pink Corvette with plates that read ‘Angelyne’ becomes famous for all of the above.
- Herds of Paparazzi running through the streets cameras swaying, practically running over pedestrians and pushing each other out of the way to get a shot of a celebrity getting into their car.
- Followed by…. the herds of Paparazzi running back to their cars that were left on the side of the road, or the middle of the street, doors open and unlocked…..taking off in a frenzied fashion to follow the celebrity victim of the day.
- Designer water! People will pay $3.50 for water with Vitamin C in it, instead of just eating an orange and drinking a glass of water.
- Rodeo Drive…..where Champagne is freely dispersed when you are trying on clothes or shoes in a high end store….(Actually, I love this one!)
- Living in Beverly Hills and dating someone in Santa Monica – it is so hard to get together you might as well be dating someone from northern California, when 6 miles becomes 60 minutes in traffic!
- Worse yet…..Living in Beverly Hills and dating someone in the Valley – the commute makes you feel like you are in a long distance relationship. The lines at Southwest and flying to Scottsdale would be quicker than the 405 to the 10 to the……in traffic.
- Life Coach…what is that??? In addition to your psychiatrist, therapist, doctor, trainer and hairdresser…..you still need someone to coach you on your life?
- Beverly Hills Housewives, who don’t work…..still need a personal assistant.
- People selling fruit on the freeway on ramps….potential suicide missions that never seem to deem police involvement.
- LA Car chases…..Networks shut down programming so we can watch some idiot drive through the streets of LA obviously out of his mind and/or on drugs, sometimes for hours until they are finally cornered an caught…SERIOUSLY….the INEVITABLE outcome made me miss the last 45 minutes of the ‘Good Wife’!!!
- The fact that it only took me 15 minutes to think of twenty five things that crack me up about LA, well….that in and of itself…cracks the hell out of me.