I AM… ADDICTED!
That moment when you realize that you have a problem with addiction…
That moment when you realize you are an addict…
That moment when you realize that you are ADDICTED…
That moment is not an ‘a ha’ moment, rather that moment is an ‘oh fuck’ kind of a moment.
My ‘oh fuck’ moment happened recently, after what started out to be another seemingly innocuous day in my life. An innocuous day which led to my scary ‘oh fuck’ moment of reality when I realized that….I was ADDICTED.
It all started out on a routine trip to my dentist for my 6 month teeth cleaning. As my very patient dentist was cleaning my teeth, she remarked that my teeth were looking a little dull and would benefit from being whitened, plus I would have a better result if I did it right after the cleaning.
Living in LA LA land, I already had succumbed to the bleaching ritual, as my little Canadian teeth definitely looked more Hollywood acceptable when my smile is white. So, I insisted my dentist give me a mirror so I could inspect my pearlies up close and personal to make sure that a bleaching was needed, and noticed that my white teeth were definitely a little on the dull side.
I normally plan ahead for my bleaching session and do it first thing in the morning, because once your teeth are bleached, you have to abstain from eating or drinking anything with color for 24 hours. So an 8:00am bleaching allows me to wake up the next day and eat my normal foods and drink my coffee, and only suffer from one day of the ‘white-food and clear-liquid only’ diet. As it was now 11:30am, my bleaching wouldn’t be done until 12:30pm; that translated in my mind to two days or torture instead of one. But, vanity always rules, so I decided to just go for it.
At 12:30pm I left with healthy, clean and extremely white Hollywood-ready teeth. As I had to go back to work that afternoon, I was preoccupied with my job to the point that I really didn’t need to have anything to eat or drink. But on the way home, I had to stop and buy some provisions because everything in my fridge was full of color. So, I tore through Whole Foods searching for my little list of white foods that would keep me hopefully ‘sufficiently suffonsified’ for the next 18 hours and counting.
While at home, laying in front of my TV, and getting ready to chow down on my white foods, I decided to start with the large container of cottage cheese I had just bought. Then, when I was still starving, I boiled a dozen eggs and removed the shell and the yolk, making sure to rinse off the cooked egg white to make sure no traces of yellow were anywhere to be seen.
It was now 9:00pm. I only had 15 hours and 30 minutes left, but still feeling hungry, I decided to microwave a bag of the butter-free crap popcorn that I had also bought at Whole Foods. You can imagine how distended my stomach was by the time I fell asleep.
At six am I woke up, looked at the clock and immediately started to calculate the time I had left – six hours and 30 minutes before I could consume anything with color. I realized that I neglected to buy white breakfast foods, so I drank some water and put a couple of rice cakes in my belly, then sleepily drove myself to the gym. I jumped on my spin bike ready to rock it out to one of my favorite spin instructors tunes, and barely made it through the class. Oh, my feet hit the pedals, but I could hardly concentrate and felt irritated that the instructor didn’t motivate me more. I didn’t even sweat. I normally bike between 14 to 16 miles in an hour class and burn around 500 calories. On this day, I manage to burn 150 calories and only biked 8 miles. I left spin exhausted instead of exhilarated. I putzed around the gym, tried to do a few weights, but I had no energy. I was depressed. I hated everyone. I hated my life. Everything sucked and I felt like crap.
I finally went home, took a shower, and crawled back into bed and started to watch the clock. It was 10:00am, only 2 and 1/2 hours more to go. My body felt achy, and not achy because I had worked out too hard, just achy like I was getting the flu. Did someone in the dentist office have the flu virus yesterday?
Then my head started to hurt, and the achy body aches were followed by a mild headache. That was it. I was getting sick. I had the Flu. Damn it! Well at least at 12:30pm I could have some chicken soup, and maybe would nip it in the bud before I was put flat for days. As I lay in bed, I couldn’t even focus on the any of my Teevo’d shows. I was a mess. As the clock struck 12, I decided that maybe a cup of coffee might perk me up before I started my sick regiment. As such, I got the coffee pot ready, made it exceptionally strong, and when the clock said 12:20pm I hit the on-switch, as by 12:30 the coffee would be perked.
Ah the smell, it smelled great. And at 12:30pm exactly, I had my first sip of coffee. And within 15 minutes I was sitting up in bed laughing my ass off at one of my favorite shows, and over the next hour I had two more cups of coffee and guess what? I felt fucking amazing. My headache was gone, my body wasn’t aching, I felt cheery, I didn’t feel depressed or angry anymore, and it looked like I wasn’t going to need any chicken soup for my flu. My coffee had cured me.
And then it hit me. I didn’t have the flu, I was going through caffeine withdrawl. Holly fuck, I was addicted to coffee. I was addicted to having my 2 cups of coffee every morning. My body was addicted to the caffeine. OMG – my moment of realization, my ‘oh fuck’ moment had arrived: I had to acknowledge that I had an addiction, that I was an addict, and that I was addicted to caffeine.
It is a weird moment of reflection when you realize that something as seemingly harmless as drinking two cups of a coffee a day, every morning, as part of your ritual – a beverage that is consumed worldwide by people of all ages – is addictive enough to leave you as a stimulant-caffeine addicted individual. UGH!!!!!
So, I started to have a serious discussion with myself as to whether I should start to wean my body off my coffee bit by bit, because do I really want to live my life as an addicted individual? And after 30 seconds of thought and deep debate with myself, my conclusion was: No fucking way was I ever giving up my two cups of coffee, no fucking way! Addicted I had become, addicted I would stay.
And the moral of my addicted coffee story is:
- Upon reflection, I was relieved that not having wine or champagne at night didn’t bother me a bit; As I go out so much it seems that I am always having some kind of bubbly of some sorts daily, so I was happy to realize that alcohol wasn’t an addictive device for me. Further reinforcing in my mind that wine and champagne were also here to stay, along with my coffee.
- It is so easy for our bodies to get addicted to something, at least my addiction wasn’t going to harm me, just stain my teeth. As a bonus, I have my wonderful dentist to fix that little consequence.
- And, I am left wondering if there are still shares to be had in Starbucks, because if two cups of coffee daily have me hitting the rails, it might actually be one of the safer stocks to buy in our crazy unpredictable world.
My patient, wonderful Dentist – Dr. Julie Valentine in Beverly Hills – is willing to extend a Limited Time “Special Offer” to other Coffee Lovers out there who wants Pearly White Teeth. In-Office Whitening Special of $199 ( a $300 Value ). To schedule an Appointment call (310) 551-2955 or visit her website @ http://www.beautifulsmilesbeverlyhills.com/
Click below for the audio link to the story!
Written By: Janell Martin
Edited By: Brenda Meyer