When you and a Girlfriend are grabbing a bite at a restaurant bar – because all you really want to spend you can find on the appetizer menu – you inevitably find yourself trapped with the company of the strangers that surround you. Sometimes you get lucky and meet interesting people, sometimes you get lucky and meet cute and hopefully prospective men, but 95 percent of the time you get stuck talking to lonely, drunk, crazy, obnoxious, boring people. So when a cute, smart, funny guy – who actually has a job and isn’t eating at the bar because he’s an unemployed actor/writer/director/producer; rather is a busy executive who worked late and was hungry – actually insists on buying you a drink, you can understand why you might be willing to meet up with him again for an actual date.
Let’s just call him Mr. Hollywood for now. Mr. Hollywood was an adorable package from head to toe, so when he followed up and invited me to join him for a quick drink after work one Friday night, I decided to put the effort into getting ‘date drink ready’ and went. However, a quick drink translates in my mind to…quick, so I decided to invite a Girlfriend to meet me there a bit later as I wasn’t going to waste the cost of a blow dry and the effort into getting glammed up for what would likely be an hour.
I decided to wear my purple mini dress with four inch high Prada shoes, insuring that – even if things didn’t go well with Mr. Hollywood – that I looked ‘LA ready’ so Girlfriend and I could still head out and monkey around in the city if we so chose. Arriving before Mr. Hollywood, I found a place at the bar where he would easily be able to spot me, and also where Girlfriend and I could be easily spotted once he left. Happy to see me, Mr. Hollywood sidled up to me at the bar like glue stick to a piece of paper. As we sipped our wine, he went on to tell me about his job, his hobbies, his life, and then….HIS WIFE! Yep, HIS WIFE! As I started to go from sipping to gulping my wine, he went on to explain that after a few years of marriage he realized that monogamy wasn’t his strong suit (that was his Hugo Boss Suit) so he told his wife that it was either a life with him accepting him as he was as he was or a life without him.
Long story short…..really short… as in the next five minutes he basically told me that he had .….a wife that understood that he was the kind of guy who really couldn’t be with one woman……. a wife that allowed him to have girlfriends…….a wife who actually had her own thing on the side……AND guess what…..????????? He had an upcoming trip to Vegas and would I like to go with him?
(Note to audience….I am now asking the bartender for a second glass of wine)…….
“So….I casually asked….Are you a swinger?” I mean the whole married/girlfriend/wife-she-bangs-others/ kind of thing had my mind swirling. He admitted to having gone to swinger parties, partaking in some of the festivities, was intrigued as hell by the whole concept, but at the end of the day liked having a wife……and a girlfriend on the side. And I got the feeling that if the girlfriend on the side was into swinging then this would have been a ‘she bang she bang’ kind of moment.
I had already told Mr. Hollywood, whose name I am now changing to Hollywood Swinger, that my Girlfriend was coming at some point, and when she walked in all of her gorgeous beauty I was relieved that my rescuer had finally arrived. Not only was I relieved to see her, but Hollywood Swinger – now with two women – was now….. decidedly going nowhere. (So much for the quick drink!)
Girlfriend looked at me and said…. “Oh my God, he is adorable.” With my teeth clenched I uttered the words…. “I will tell you later.” And within seconds he was sandwiched in between the two of us. I took advantage of Girlfriends presence and ran to the bathroom, taking my time to stop on the way back and chat with various peeps I knew at the bar. By the time I returned she looked me in the eyes and silently murmured….”OMG….he just told me everything.”
Here was a man who if I reflect honestly, wasn’t lying. I mean at least not to me. He told me he was married, he told me he cheated, he told me he liked to swing…there was no deception here. The only piece of the puzzle, at least to me, was whether or not the wife truly was in compliance with all of this, or if this was his story…and he was sticking to it.
Either way, neither my Girlfriend nor myself were interested in pursuing this kind of a relationship, much to Hollywood Swinger’s dismay.
And the moral of this ‘Mr. Hollywood – Hollywood Swinger’ story is….
- If you want to cheat and swing…HELLO ….there are sites for that, google it damn it! No need to cruise restaurant bars! (Just say hi to Miss Ashley Madison Dude!)
- Sometimes when at a restaurant, it is worth the extra cost to sit at a table and order a meal as …the price of privacy is…..PRICELESS!
www.ashleymadison.com (for convenience, for the cheaters in the crowd lol)