You Complete Me
YOU COMPLETE ME – words romantically uttered 20 years ago in the film ‘Jerry Maguire’ have become a dreamy, starry-eyed declaration of love – worldwide – for the past two decades. Do you remember the end of the movie when Tom Cruise’s character, Jerry Maguire, tries to win back the heart of Dorothy Boyd, beautifully portrayed by Renee Zellweger? When he finally realized that she really was the woman for him – after having run away leaving her and her young son to fend for themselves – he came back and professed his love for her, ending his declaration of love by saying… YOU COMPLETE ME.
I remember watching the film, and falling in love at that moment with Tom Cruise, adoring the romantic notion of someone actually ‘completing’ me; kind of like finally finding that piece of the puzzle that is missing, making a picture-perfect image come to life. Twenty years ago, when this movie came out, I was still living in Canada, and my young vulnerable mind romanticized this YOU COMPLETE ME notion, and I started to consciously look for men who I thought completed me. And, as hard as I tried, searching for my perfect partner who made me a better me, never seemed to work. I eventually pushed the YOU COMPLETE ME notion out of my mind, and went about my dating life, letting it unfold organically, and surrendering my quest for a man whom I thought that someday I could say to – in our marriage vows – YOU COMPLETE ME.
A few weeks ago, I was out for dinner with a few of my friends, and one of my Gusband’s was dating a new guy – one, who in comparison to his other boyfriends I have had the unfortunate pleasure of having to endure, actually seemed like a great guy: smart, handsome, career-oriented, and seemingly totally smitten with Gusband. When Gusband’s new boy got up to use the bathroom, I leaned in and told him how much I really liked his new man. Gusband looked at me and said, “You know he’s cute and all, but well, something is missing, I just don’t feel like… he completes me.”
As I sat there, hearing the words, memories of my own life came rolling back faster than a rapid in a river, to a time when I, too, was searching for the YOU COMPLETE ME guy. After a few moments of reflection, I looked at him and said “You know Gusband, as I have been writing my blog the past year and a half, I have had to really be honest with myself, and all this writing has brought me to a stronger place in my life.” “Having to blog and write about dating and life issues and having to honestly share my shit, has forced me to take a really hard look at myself.” But, before I could continue with my preachy pontificating my Gusband said, as he rolled his eyes, “Yeah, Janell, I know you think that I don’t give guys enough of a chance, because I really am not interested in settling down, blah blah blah”. And with that statement, he took a large sip of his wine, and smiled a wry ‘victory’ smile, thinking he had shut down my ‘judgmental-lecture-laden’ mouth.
“No, that’s not it”, I strongly protested, “You can make all the excuses you want to stay single; I don’t give a crap one way or another if you are married or a swinging bachelor until you’re ninety.” “What bothers me is when you said that you thought your new boyfriend didn’t complete you.” My Gusband looked at me, somewhat perplexed, as well, aren’t we all searching, really, for our perfect match? So naturally, I continued…..
“You know Gusband, if you are looking for someone to complete you, than that means that you aren’t complete on your own.” “How can you expect someone to come into your life, and complete you?” “You need to be complete, you need to complete you, or you will never bring the right energy to you.” “You can’t expect some guy to come into your life and magically be the missing piece of the puzzle to make you a better you.” And he looked at me, and said, “You know, you are right, I never thought of it that way”.
Well, let’s just say, that Gusband is now giving this guy a chance, and is sorting out his own shit in his head about who he is and what he wants out of his life. Time will tell if these two boys can make this relationship work, but having one of them come into the relationship with the notion that he needed someone who he could say YOU COMPLETE ME to, makes me think that perhaps that Gusband has some serious soul searching to do before he finds the right guy for him.
And the moral of this YOU COMPELTE ME story is….
- You have to love you, where you are in your life, what you are doing, and be happy with you. You will only attract the right person when you are the best you YOU can be; being happy and powerful in who you are – not only is an aphrodisiac – it allows the energy of the universe to point partners towards your direction that are also complete with themselves, and after all, isn’t finding someone who complements you much better than saying …. YOU COMPLETE ME?
- So, instead of YOU COMPLETE ME, how about making sure that YOU COMPLETE YOU, because once you are the best version of you YOU can be, then your happy little self won’t even need someone, and if and when the right partner does come in, it will be the icing on the cake to life.
- And as side thought, I so love it when someone says…You are right! LOL
Audio – link Podcast for You COMPLETE Me below and also at the beginning of the story…for those of you trapped in your car, or cooking in your kitchen, or having sex…Okay scratch the last one! LOL