Could I, Should I, Would I date a Lawyer?
Would your ‘dating brain’, date a lawyer?
When you look at the profile of a handsome man on a dating app, and you see the words ‘Occupation: Lawyer’ or ‘Occupation: Attorney’, do you swipe left or do you swipe right? What images are evoked in your dating brain when you see the word lawyer?
The Lawyer RIGHT sweeper:
Perhaps you see the word lawyer and your first thoughts are: educated, intelligent, and successful. As your dating brain continues on its imagined romantic trajectory path, further images are conjured up in that dating brain of yours: nice dinners, vacations in great hotels, and lavish gifts. Then, just when your intellectual mind starts to put a fire into your mental machinations, trying to burn out your dreamlike romanticizing, you squash out those thoughts and continue imagining a future with this lawyer.
At this point, your little dating brain is in full swing, and you picture a wedding for 500, wearing a designer gown, followed by a honeymoon in Bali. And, when reason and logic should appear and stop your fantasizing, you now see yourself in a home in the flats of Beverly Hills, your 2 kids go to private schools, and your dogs get dropped off at doggy daycare by your assistant, while you head out to meet your friends at the Ivy for lunch. Within five minutes you have gone from being YOU to a wealthy wife of a successful lawyer who lunches, spas and shops for a living.
So, guess what? After reading the word Lawyer on some random dude’s profile, and after five minutes of thought, you have definitely swiped right!
I wonder how many people out there when they see someone’s occupation, will give that person a chance over, let’s say, someone whose earning potential is seemingly not as high? Does a high paying job give a guy a better probability that, looks aside, he will get more traffic on his dating site?
How about the Lawyer left sweeper?
Okay, so you are on your dating app and the first thing you notice is a guy that looks halfway decent in his profile picture. So, you read his profile and see that he is a lawyer. As your dating brain looks at his picture, and the word lawyer ruminates around in your mind, adjectives like argumentative, critical, superiority-complex, and over-analytical pop into your head.
So, as your dating mind continues down its romantic trajectory, you start to imagine: losing every argument, being shut down before you are able to articulate your thoughts, being snapped at for the slightest gaffe as he reminds you of his ‘superior intelligence’, and constantly being analyzed to death about every decision that you have to make.
Therefore, even though you check out the rest of his pictures, and you think: he is cute, it appears like he has nice friends, and that he might actually be fun, you decide to swipe left, leaving this lawyer loveless of you. The left sweeper, one who might have had an adverse past reaction to either dating a lawyer or being sued by one, will often not give someone a chance based on a prior negative experience or preconceived notion of what this person is all about.
I wonder how many people make assumptions on a dating app based on someone’s profession. We know the visual image is what draws you to check out a potential partner, but does the occupation matter?
What do you think?
Swipe Right, Swipe Left – Dating app dilemmas:
I actually find dating apps hard. Personally, I am attracted to people by their energy and personality. I have always liked ‘big energies’ – lively, engaging men who have tons of personality; I like men that you could call characters. And my friends who are reading this will tell you, that is likely why I am still single. These men often are the least likely to ever settle down, but usually the most fun. Personality does not always come through in a picture, or in a handful of words; it’s something you have to feel in person. So, I tend to swipe left, or if I swipe right, I lose interest after text number two.
Personally, I don’t like the Janell I am on the dating sites. Who I am in person, is not who I am on the internet. Why? Because online, I am ONLY going by their looks, and in life, a smart, funny, engaging man can become attractive to me. But how can I tell that from an app? I can’t. I feel like shallow-Janell on the dating apps, and that is why I lose interest quickly.
But, apps are the way of the dating world. People don’t seem to want to meet in real life anymore. It sucks. It totally sucks. In fact, if you approach a group of people when you are out and about, at least in Los Angeles, they often find your behavior intrusive and weird. What the hell happened to us??? When did our modern civilization start admonishing: chatting in the gym, bumping into strangers in bars, talking to the person in the line in front of you at the grocery store, or meeting your neighbor as he walks his dog?
Okay, well, we STILL do all of these things when we are out, it’s just that we don’t expect them to lead to dating, or even to really getting to know someone. We may get to know them by name, know what they do, the name of their dog, and even hear their life story, but we don’t date them. NO! Why? Because we didn’t meet them online.
UGH! The irony is that half the people outright lie on their dating sites, or they are total creepers, and the people we meet in life often are left unconsidered because… we met them in real life. Think about it! You will agree that I have a point here, as bizarre as it seems.
Maybe we have become afraid of ‘live rejection’? Is the possible rejection of someone you sort of know, as opposed to the rejection of a picture online, is too much to bear? If so, I suggest we all buckle up, and get engaged back in life, and at least try to make connections with humans that we can actually connect to in real time, and in person. Just a suggestion.
PONTIFICATING ASIDE… Would I date a lawyer?
- I like intelligent and educated men, swipe right.
- I don’t mind a good debate now and then, swipe right.
- If someone is overly critical of me, I cry, swipe left.
- If someone verbally batters me, wanting to win an argument at all costs, I freeze, swipe left.
- I love the finer things in life, money does make life easier, sweep right.
Lawyer dating results: The sweeps right, have it by one. I would take a chance and date a lawyer. Aren’t you glad that’s settled?
And, the moral of this dating a lawyer story is:
- Don’t let past Dating PTSD stop you from meeting someone new. Just because you dated a lawyer, or a doctor, or a secretary, or a single mom, or a Scorpio – and they didn’t work out, don’t be afraid to give a different human with the same ‘trait’ a chance. None of us are created the same, and we all have different life experiences.
- Don’t be afraid to engage with people in life, you never know who you might meet.
- Even if you only have one date with a lawyer, leave on a good note, even if it’s not a love connection. Why? Because you NEVER know when you might need his or her help. And, remember she, or he, who has the BIGGEST LAWYER… WINS!
P.S. Did you read my post called Dating PTSD? Check it out, because sometimes we are so caught up in thinking we already know someone based on a past experience we are therefore afraid to dip our toes back into this dating pond.
If you love DOGS please check out my book, Where the Dogs Go, available online at Barnes and Nobles and Amazon.