Married men who cheat are definitely not unique to Los Angeles, but I have to say the typical married cheater in the LA scene is definitely more ‘ballsy’ then the prairies of Canada. Forget the ‘untanned wedding ban demarcation’ that women historically look for, or the ‘folding arms and hiding left hand move’ or the ‘casual left hand in the front pants pocket’ look – LA cheaters are made of a different breed.
Examples, you want examples???? Okay, how about the ‘well-known but not to me Producer’ who told me on date one that he was divorced, then during our third date when I asked about his ex-wife he responded with a puzzled look saying “You must be confused. I have never been married.” (Keep track of your lies please!) Nancy Drew detective hat on and a few calls to a few well-placed friends and ‘well-known but not to me Producer’ was not only married, but married with two kids, three cats, a dog and a famous racehorse. ICK – I was fresh off the boat from Canada and horrified!
Then after many MANY more encounters with married men in between……..this……
A couple of years ago, while standing in that dreaded Southwest ‘A, B and C’ group line, Mr. B14 who was behind my B13 me offered to help me carry my heavy check on bag, the gentleman that he was. Of course, that meant that it was much easier for Mr. B 14 to sit beside me as the aisle seat was taken and the plane was already half full, hell we were practically friends after the 20 minute time waiting in line.
Mr. B14 was not only a gentleman when it came to carrying bags, he also wanted to ply me with a couple of glasses of the screw open wine that Southwest supplied to accompany the dried peanuts we were munching on. During our cocktails and appetizers, Mr. B14 told me of the boys’ weekend he had planned in Vegas, inviting me at every turn to come and join him and his four friends that were all meeting up in Vegas. Somewhere into cocktail number two, he let it slip that he was married. So with twenty minutes left in the flight, I decided to grill and question him as to his cheating ways and this is what I learned:
- Mr. B14 was happily married, loved his wife and had a full sex life, having sex at least 3 to 4 times a week. (Lucky him, just call me single and sexless in the city…)
- Mr. B14 told me that cheating had nothing to do with not loving his wife, it was just that he needed variety, and he cheated just for the excitement of having a new sexual partner. (Ahhh…. weren’t you were supposed to get it out of your system before you were married?….)
- Mr. B14 told me that his wife was good in bed, but alas after two kids her body was not was it was ten years ago, and he remarked that her body was ‘nothing like mine’. (Asshole…I haven’t had kids yet and your wife sacrificed her perfect form to bear you two heirs to your fucking throne!….)
- Mr. B14 told me that out of his 4 married friends that were coming to Vegas, their stance on cheating was as follows:
- Two of the guys had terrible sex lives – and they were all looking forward to hopefully getting some….
- One guy had a great sex life and had no interest in cheating….
- One guy had a terrible sex life, in fact he and his wife had not had sex in over two years, but he would never cheat……
- And of course let’s not forget about him…. happily sexed up at home and he couldn’t wait to pounce on…gross, here we go…me!
At the end of the flight, I was glad that I had done my little interview-investigation into his horny little head, but was left with a heavy pit in my stomach and a nagging question in my mind… Is marriage an outdated institution in our time? All I know being single, as lonely as it can be, has got to be better than having your husband come home from Vegas with an ‘Oh no the condom broke STD’!!!!