WHAT WOMEN WANT !!
So last week I asked 4 different men a series of questions about what they like and wanted from women. This week, their female counterparts answered similar questions.
Dating is difficult in any city – I don’t care where you live. Trying to find the right partner is a process. So I asked four different women a series of questions to find out what they like and want, and how they think and feel about men, and about dating in Los Angeles. I chose a woman in her late twenties, one in her mid-thirties, one in her mid-forties and one who just turned fifty. One woman is a writer, one works in production, one an executive in the Real Estate Industry, and one is a talent manager. All four of these women are college educated, intelligent, ambitious, hard-working, interesting and attractive women.
Their answers might surprise you, or not. But hopefully you will find their honest answers something to consider when dating in this wacky town. And maybe, just maybe, you might learn a bit about us ‘girls’!
- Does height matter?
20ish Yes, I am tall so I don’t want someone who is vastly shorter than me. One or two inches shorter max.
30ish Yes and No – I have dated guys on the shorter side, and my personal experience is that they tend to over compensate too much. Sometimes they lack confidence, and a lack of confidence is not sexy. But it really depends on the person. I dated one guy on the shorter side and he was really confident and had a big personality – and I don’t even see him as short now when I think of him.
40ish Yes, mostly because I feel ‘unsafe’ and less protected with someone the same size or smaller.
50ish Yes, I have been with shorter men but I like tall men better. I fell more protected when I am with a taller man. I also like to wear my high heels and not to have to worry about whether or not he will be bothered by it.
2. Do you care if he has a belly?
20ish No, looks aren’t that important to me. I am more attracted to someone’s personality.
30ish It depends on how big the belly is. Ideally I want someone who takes care of themselves. If he looks pregnant – Fuck No. He has to be able to still see his penis!
40ish Yes, I need to know that my partner is living as healthy as I want to be.
50ish No, a belly doesn’t define who they are as long as they aren’t really overweight. It actually makes me think that they enjoy food and are fun. A little belly is okay, as long as they aren’t overweight as that shows me that they don’t care about their health.
3. Do you care if he works out?
20ish I would prefer someone who is athletic, because I am athletic and we could do things together. But I don’t need a work out partner.
30ish Yes, ideally. A fit body is a fit mind. If he takes care of himself, he likely takes care of his shit.
40ish If that means being active, then yes. He doesn’t have to work out per se in a gym, but he needs to be active and doing things to stay fit and healthy.
50ish Yes, because it’s good for the mind, for their emotional and mental health, and it keeps me motivated too.
4. Is Bald Beautiful?
20ish I don’t go for Bald. I have seen maybe one or two guys where it was okay, but really – NO.
30ish I like bald guys. As long as they don’t leave a rim, just get over it and shave the whole head.
40ish I love bald, I love not bald – I like both.
50ish Yes bald can be beautiful, but I still prefer hair.
5. Do you like when older men dye their hair?
20ish It doesn’t really bother me. If someone wants to do something to make them feel more youthful and happy, then I am supportive of that. If it makes you feel better as a person, then I think it is fine.
30ish As long as it looks good! None of that jet-black hair shit; I don’t like it when it doesn’t look real. I like the look when men go grey or salt and pepper, I find it very attractive.
40ish Ninety percent of the time – NO. When men dye their hair I think it looks fake and unauthentic. I like when men have their natural hair color, it makes them sexier to me.
50ish No, it doesn’t look natural. I think men are sexier and look more distinguished with salt and pepper hair.
6. Does the size of his penis matter to you? And why?
20ish Yes, too small is too small. It’s that simple.
30ish Yes. The Asian rumors are true. I dated an Asian guy once and didn’t even know we had had sex when we were done. Too big is too big, too small is too small. Big isn’t always better either, as it can hurt.
40ish Yes, I have been with men on the smaller side in my lifetime; but even if they are skilled, the sensation isn’t the same. For me girth is more important than the length.
50ish Yes, because it feels different. I broke up with a guy I dated because he was too small.
7. Mani-Pedi or Au Natural?
20ish I have rarely noticed or thought about it. I guess this one is non –applicable for me.
30ish Yes, it shows that a man is confident enough to go into a place and get a Mani-Pedi. Plus I don’t like scruffy shit. I don’t like someone to scruffy up all over me.
40ish I like Mani-Pedi or natural, as long as they are grooming themselves. I like men who take care of themselves.
50ish I don’t care if he goes to a salon to get a Mani-Pedi, but he has to groom his nails if he isn’t going to have them professionally done.
8. What is the sexiest quality a man can have?
20ish How he treats a woman. I like that Classic Old Hollywood kind of a man – like in the old movies, the one who takes a woman’s hand, or opens her car door – Romantic Charm. I really don’t see this in LA.
30ish Someone who is passionate about what he does, because when he is passionate about what he is doing he is confident and happy – and that makes him sexy. Passionate people stand up for something they believe in. Passion, confidence and integrity make him sexy.
40ish His ability to appreciate others. When he is able to communicate his appreciation to me, or tell me I look beautiful. I find direct, honest communication sexy.
50ish Confidence first, then intelligence and integrity and …a naughty sense of humor.
9. What is the biggest thing that turns you off about a man?
20ish If he has slept with a lot of women, or is a player – it says a lot about a guy.
30ish Lack of confidence is the main thing. But also, I don’t like men who have bad hygiene; or when a man doesn’t treat the wait staff nicely at restaurants. Basically when a guy acts like a dick.
40ish When a man doesn’t take care of himself physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally or financially. If they can’t fucking take care of their shit, I don’t want to know them.
50ish Men who are seeking youth by doing things like dating younger women, or dyeing their hair. Also I don’t like men who feel the need to fuck everything around them. Plus men who are flashy or who flash their money and talk about how much money they have; I find it obnoxious, it’s a turn off. It makes me think they are insecure.
10. School of Life or College Grad – does it matter?
20ish Going to college is like going to high school. I have to be with someone who went to college.
30ish School of Life – I know plenty of dumb asses that went to college. I prefer someone who is schooled in life, they get it.
40ish I don’t have a preference. It doesn’t matter where he acquired his knowledge, it just matters what he does with it. Ideally someone with a bit of both, someone formally schooled and schooled in life.
50ish I prefer college, but I deal every day with so many stupid men in the course of my business day who have college degrees. I can’t handle stupid, educated men. Ideally I would like a man to have both.
11. Do you care how much money he makes?
20ish No, but he can’t be poor. He has to be going somewhere with his life. I mean, I wouldn’t date a guy who worked at McDonald’s making $20,000 a year who was happy doing that and who had no goals for himself.
30ish Yes, because I am going to make a lot of money and men seem to identify themselves by their success. I find that guys are intimidated by me if they don’t have their own success. I don’t want to be the masculine energy in the relationship; I want to be able to rock my feminine energy.
40ish Yes, but it isn’t about a specific number. It is about his own ability to provide. I want to be with someone who is working, and who is working towards something.
50ish Yes. I want a guy who makes as much money as me if not more. I have dated guys that don’t make as much money as I do and they become resentful. I don’t want to not do things in my life that I want to do because he can’t afford it. I don’t feel like I should have to pay for him too just because I want to do something the he can’t afford to do; I have been there and done that and I won’t do it again.
12. What does his car say about him?
20ish I think cars are a reflection of people. If a guy drives a sleek, nice expensive car, it means to me he might be high maintenance. Same thing, if the inside of his car looks like he lives in it, that reflects a lot about how he actually lives. In LA people are a little bit crazy about their cars, but I do think it says a lot about who they are.
30ish It says a lot about his personality; as long as the car isn’t making up for his lack of confidence or the size of his penis. I like cars, I like exotic cars – basically I like quality.
40ish Funny, I do pay attention, but it’s not a qualifier. I am eco-conscious so I look at that. I also look at it like is it practical, can he afford it, does it make sense for him? If he wants to drive a flashy and showy car, I am fine with that, as long as it works for him and he’s doing to for the right reasons.
50ish Everything! A conservative car makes me think he is comfortable with his masculinity. Even if he is driving a nice luxury sports car like a BMW or Mercedes, I think that’s cool because it shows that he likes nice things and that he cares about what he drives. But I don’t like over the top cars like Ferrari’s, Maserati’s, or Bentley’s – it makes me thing that they are insecure.
13. What about his friends drives you nuts?
20ish If his friends are into drugs, or are pot heads and smoke a lot of pot, I don’t like it. I don’t smoke weed, so I don’t like to be around someone who does. And if his friends do, that reflects on him.
30ish I really haven’t encountered this. I think you surround yourself by people who reflect who you are, so if like the guy I am going to like his friends. I haven’t stumbled upon this yet.
40ish If his friends have vices like drugs, sloppy drinking, smoking – I don’t want to be around that. If he wants to hang out with his guy friends who are like that, I am fine as I know guys need the ‘boy time’, but I don’t want to be around it.
50ish If his friends are players, because they try to influence your man. Men have enough temptation in LA – they don’t need their buddies to spur them on. Men have a hard time saying no to each other, and then they do dumb things.
14. What qualities in his friends might make you think he is a good guy?
20ish If his friends have etiquette – if they open car doors, etc. Basically good people hang out with good people.
30ish How his friends treat their significant others. Birds of a feather flock together, sometimes there is a bad seed in the bunch, but basically if his friends treat their significant others well, I think he will do the same with me. Cheaters hang out with cheaters, you get the idea.
40ish If his friends have gentlemanly qualities – like pulling out a girl’s chair, and seem to appreciate women. If they welcome me and other people in a conversation, it reflects positively on him.
50ish If they are a good family men, if they have nice wives or girlfriends. If they have inside jokes together that shows history. If they invite each other for holidays and do other things than just hang out in bars. And if they show interest in me, and welcome me.
15. Why is dating hard in LA for women?
20ish Men in LA are ageist, and they all are basically pigs.
30ish Guys come here to be successful. And they get so good at it, always changing it up and going on to the bigger and better next thing for them, that they have little experience in how to handle women. What you put your energy into you feed. They really don’t know how to treat women as a result.
40ish I think we are all so career oriented – both men and women – trying to have a great career, become successful, that we don’t stop and slow down and really pay attention to who is really right for us. I think we are all so busy trying to complete a picture that we don’t really wait and listen and find a person who is truly right for us.
50ish Men have too many choices. And too many men want the next bigger and better deal. So unless you are perfect, they won’t commit. Men in LA are always looking for the better deal. And the ones with money think they don’t even have to try as hard.
One Final Question For The Women: W advice can you give men about dating in LA?
20ish Give the girl in the back of the room a chance; she is not always so obvious. No matter what guys say, they seem to always want the one that sticks out; maybe they should give the other girl a chance once and awhile. It seems in LA, that all guys – no matter what their age or what they do – want the Hollywood lifestyle. (In other words, the Hollywood Chick)
30ish Treat a woman like a woman – old school. Forget the technology. Be chivalrous. Nobody approaches people any more in real life. The guys that have approached me and I went out with, surprised me. They wouldn’t have been men I would have chosen on line, but because they came up to me in person, face to face, I ended up going out with some of them and had a great time and some ended up as relationships. Treat a woman like a lady.
40ish Slow down. Learn to listen to women and find out if you are interested and can provide what it is they want and what they need. If you can’t provide that for them, you need to let it go and look for someone whose needs you can meet. I don’t care if she is the most beautiful woman in the world; if you can’t give her what she really wants and needs in life, than set her free to find the right person for her.
50ish They shouldn’t just trust, they should also verify. Men get so caught up in a woman’s looks and her achievements that they don’t look into her history to find out if she is bat shit crazy. A lot of women in LA have records, and histories that you wouldn’t be enthralled with if you knew it. Also, I think women in LA, when they meet a good man who treats a woman right, will really appreciate a man for this. Men tend to not give a good woman a chance when they meet them. I think men should start to really appreciate a good woman when they find one.
Okay, so there you have it. Unfiltered, honest feedback. It’s ironic to me how, in some ways, each of these woman’s answers in many respect are very similar. None of these girls know each other. And regardless of their age or life experience, in many respects they want very similar things.
I found it interesting that they all wanted men to be gentlemen, they want romance in their lives. They aren’t asking for handouts, if you really read this – they are all trying to find partners; life partners. And the ‘look’ thing doesn’t determine how a woman feels about a man, yet they all want men who take care of themselves, and respect themselves enough to value their health, and to keep their lives balanced and together.
I especially loved all of their advice for dating in LA, I think it was well said on all of their parts, and guys you should take a good read of the last question.
At the end of the day, dating is hard, and we all want happiness. Maybe we should try to really think about what we want, and who we are, and where we want to go on our own personal journey – and be more open and honest with each other. I would love to hear your input.
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Click on the link below to read last Weeks Story
Written By Janell Martin
Edited by Brenda Meyer